If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!

I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You might be a redneck if your dogs name is Miller Light

I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right.