If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!