You might be a redneck if... your high school basketball game got rained out.

You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say "Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again."

You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.