You might be a redneck if... your high school basketball game got rained out.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.