You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

You might be a redneck if you were shooting pool when your kids were born.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will share every animate details of their lives with each other. See men once we become friends with another man we may never say another word to him, unless there's valuable information that needs to be exchanged. Things like "Hey Jim, your shirt's on fire."