The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.

My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.

You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.