You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

I'll just have itchy, watery eyes!

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck