You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.