You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

You might be a redneck if you think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.