You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get to choose between sleep and sex, you choose sleep and just hope you have a dream about sex.

If your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck.

You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.