You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.