I love comedy. God has given me this platform.

The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'

By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.

You might be a redneck if you celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.

You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.