It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.