It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.