It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?

You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.