If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You might be a redneck if your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

I'm an outdoor nut. If I'm not working, I'm on a tractor on my farm, hunting, fishing or climbing a mountain.

You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.