If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

You might be a redneck if the antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

Country music is about new love and it's about old love.