If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

We probably stagnate our children's emotional growth by not letting them have some separation from us.

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

You might be a redneck if you work with a shirt off... and so does your husband.

There's no down time any more.