You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.

You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.

The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.