You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.

You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.