Any job that posts a price list for your body parts is a bad job.

I'm very lucky in that I've gotten to do a lot of things. But if you ever put a gun to my head and said, "You can only do one," I'd think it would be stand-up. I think it's the coolest job in the world.

You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.