Any job that posts a price list for your body parts is a bad job.

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

You might be a redneck if you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.

I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.