Any job that posts a price list for your body parts is a bad job.

You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture.