You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.

Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.