That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

This happened to me last week. We're in the process of remodeling our house; we've been doing it for a while now. And we have the painters in, putting sheets up around the furniture, you know? And we have a piano, just a regular, up against the wall piano. One of the painters said to me, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "Nah, that's our coffee table, it just has buckteeth! Here's your Sign!

I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.

You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.