If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'

Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women are not as proud of their 99% as men are of our one! We clean something up, we're gonna talk about it all year long. It might be on the news, you don't know. A woman could be out re-paving the driveway. Men actually have enough gall to run out on the porch and go "Hey baby? Man, it's hot as hell out here, ain't it! Look, don't worry about emptyin' that ashtray in the den, I done got it, all right? Did it for you, sweet pea. I'm gonna go take a nap now, all right?"

You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.

You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.