If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

We probably stagnate our children's emotional growth by not letting them have some separation from us.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.