For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.