You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say "Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again."

You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.