You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if directions to your house include turn off the paved road.

The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.