If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

You might be a redneck if people hear your car long before they see it.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.