I'll just have itchy, watery eyes!

You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.