I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.

I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.

You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.

You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.