The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.

If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.

Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.

You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.