The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.

You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.

You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.