Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.

This happened to me last week. We're in the process of remodeling our house; we've been doing it for a while now. And we have the painters in, putting sheets up around the furniture, you know? And we have a piano, just a regular, up against the wall piano. One of the painters said to me, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "Nah, that's our coffee table, it just has buckteeth! Here's your Sign!

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.

I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.

You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.