Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.

We sing about God because we believe in Him. We are not trying to offend anybody, but the evidence that we have seen of Him in our small little lives trumps your opinion about whether or not He exists.

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.

The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.