Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.

You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck.

I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.