You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

If you don't have anything good to say about someone, you must be talking about Hillary Clinton.

You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.