You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will share every animate details of their lives with each other. See men once we become friends with another man we may never say another word to him, unless there's valuable information that needs to be exchanged. Things like "Hey Jim, your shirt's on fire."

There's no down time any more.