You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

There's no down time any more.