Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

People should see your faith. If all you do is talk about your faith and people don't see it, but they ought to see it in the way you treat your family, you treat your friends, you treat your community.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.

I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.

You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.