You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.

That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.

You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.