If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.

We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.

You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

It's sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn't have to.

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.