You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.