You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.