It's sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn't have to.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'

You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.