If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.