If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.

Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity

You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!