You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.

You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women are not as proud of their 99% as men are of our one! We clean something up, we're gonna talk about it all year long. It might be on the news, you don't know. A woman could be out re-paving the driveway. Men actually have enough gall to run out on the porch and go "Hey baby? Man, it's hot as hell out here, ain't it! Look, don't worry about emptyin' that ashtray in the den, I done got it, all right? Did it for you, sweet pea. I'm gonna go take a nap now, all right?"

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.