You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?