You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what they're talking about, let's do that.

You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.