You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood.