Children that play outside develop better problem solving skills and have a stronger ability to work within a group.

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.