My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart.. You might be a rednneck

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

You might be a redneck if the antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.