My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication

You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.