You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.

If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.

You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.