You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.

You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what they're talking about, let's do that.