Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck

You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.