Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.

You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.