You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'

Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.

You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.