You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will share every animate details of their lives with each other. See men once we become friends with another man we may never say another word to him, unless there's valuable information that needs to be exchanged. Things like "Hey Jim, your shirt's on fire."

You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.