You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.