You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.

You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!

If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck.

The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.

You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.