You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn.

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.