If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.