If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.