You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get to choose between sleep and sex, you choose sleep and just hope you have a dream about sex.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.