You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You might be a redneck if your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!

You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.