Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.

You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn.

Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.