You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

I just love people. I love this country. I am the American dream. I grew up by the airport with a dirt yard. Never in my life should I have been a success. So that's what I love about this country [USA], is you get out there and you have the opportunity and you work hard at it, and you can be a success.

You might be a redneck if directions to your house include turn off the paved road.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.