If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication

I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.

You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.