If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

If you think the last four words to the national anthem are " gentleman, start your engines", You might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right

You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.