You might be a redneck if the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.

You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.