[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

I'm very lucky in that I've gotten to do a lot of things. But if you ever put a gun to my head and said, "You can only do one," I'd think it would be stand-up. I think it's the coolest job in the world.

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.