[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.

You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.

You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.