Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.

You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.

You might be a redneck if you work with a shirt off... and so does your husband.

This happened to me last week. We're in the process of remodeling our house; we've been doing it for a while now. And we have the painters in, putting sheets up around the furniture, you know? And we have a piano, just a regular, up against the wall piano. One of the painters said to me, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "Nah, that's our coffee table, it just has buckteeth! Here's your Sign!

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.