Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

If you're a redneck, you have that blood flowing through your veins. That's almost on the bucket list, to hear "Freebird" live.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.